PR rep 1: "We have a problem. We all know this great land of ours is a Christian nation, and we all believe our government should uphold Christian values, but there's a lot of people out there now who disagree. So, we're starting up a PR campaign to convince everybody. Now, how can we really let people know we are a Christian nation?"
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The Speechifier is a speech mangler I'm working on. 
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Look at your life: do you have everything? You have a nice car, a nice home, a nice phone, and nice pants, but do you have peace of mind?
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You've lived in a quiet suburb in Michigan all your life. You like it there. You have many friends. Your son is on the high school football team. Over the years, there's been more and more Muslims move in, but that's all right: they're nice people and you get along just fine. Recently, the Muslim students began to outnumber the Christian population at your school, but again, that's all right: you're ok with that. Then school hired a new coach for the football team, and he's beginning to seem … not all right.
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Apple Buyer: "I bought a bag of apples the other day and one of them was bad. I got really sick. I'm thinking of complaining to the company, and maybe warning others that sometimes apples can harm you."
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I had a problem. Facebook was becoming an un-fun place for me. There was too much content, too much click bait, and too much comment bait. It was taking up too much time, and causing too much anxiety. I guess what I'm trying to say it was too much, in general.
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I don't think the guns-rights people are going to go for this proposal, but I guess you could give it a try.
Proposing that for anyone to acquire and continue possessing a firearm, they need to go through several rigorous, multi-week training courses, be continually and intensely monitored by government officials, and any improper handling, storage, or usage of the weapon is immediately and harshly dealt with via fines, forced labor, or even jail time? Big steps! ...
Those other people: Geez, they're the worst. They believe that stupid thing. Not you: you never really believed it, and now you're more sure than ever that it's the wrong way to think. ...
"Food stamps, WIC, and welfare are OK, but there are too many moochers. The assistance programs are for single moms who are busting their asses, but just today I saw a woman use it for buying frozen pizzas, TV dinners, donuts, and gummy bears, then she took out her iPhone and started gabbing. After that she walked out to her goddamn Escalade and her baby daddy helped her load the groceries! Why can't he pay for the gummy bears? She's probably lying about his income, too. These people are abusing the system, mooching off our tax dollars. Sure, when I was younger I was a single mom, and, yeah, I got a little in food stamps, but I didn't buy crap food with it, and I had the decency to drive a crappy car!" ...
I wasn't going to write about the whole Ahmed Mohamed homemade clock thing, thinking it was yet another social media people-talking-past-each-other-along-party-lines thing, but then an interesting thing happened.
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A story came across my Facebook feed. It was about a black man who wasn't killed instantly by police and therefore there is no police racism problem. In accordance with my 