Debate #1 summary

I spent all evening not watching the debate. I went grocery shopping, read some more of my book, made popcorn, and played a board game with my daughter and her friend. However, merely not watching the debate shouldn't keep me from summarizing it:

Candidate 1) I promise rainbows and unicorns!

[cheers], [boos]

Candidate 2) I promise different rainbows and unicorns that won't kill you, unlike my opponent's rainbows and unicorns.

[cheers], [boos]

Candidate 1) Topic which causes my supporters to cheer.

[cheers], [boos]

Candidate 2) Distortion of same topic which causes my supporters to cheer.

[cheers], [boos]

Candidate 2) Topic which causes my supporters to cheer.

[cheers], [boos]

Candidate 1) Distortion of same topic which causes my supporters to cheer.

[cheers], [boos]

Repeat…

Each side declares an obvious victory.