Rebuilding New Orleans

When I heard of the plans to rebuild the destroyed parts of New Orleans, I was overcome with the warm fuzzies. Here were people determined to rebuild their lives and houses no matter what the current and future costs to you and me. God bless them.

However, because much of the city in uninhabitable and will need demolition anyway, now is the perfect opportunity to move the whole city to another, safer location. So, without further ado, I give you my list of safer possible locations:

The slopes of Mt Saint Helens

What setting could provide a better view than the majestic slopes of Mt Saint Helens? The chances of a future eruption are good, but pretty slim on any given day, so why not? The tourist business will be brisk, both to see that breathtaking view as well as getting sloshed and visiting prostitutes.

Gaza strip

Here's a winner. Let's forcibly remove a few thousand Palestinians from their homes and build the new New Orleans in the Gaza Strip. It could be an oasis of alcohol and cheap sex in a desert of Islamic rule. As a bonus, the daily suicide bombers would be a boon to the tourist industry.

On top of the San Andreas Fault

Let's do San Francisco one better and build directly on the fault itself. It's been a long time since the fault broke loose and destroyed a city, so the odds are on our side.

A giant floating paper mache island

This is the ultimate location for the new New Orleans. We can rebuild the city and recycle all the old newspapers at the same time! If made thick enough, the paper mache might last several years, and oh what fun we'll have in the meantime! The casinos can turn a fair profit by taking wagers on when the island will sink, and tourists can speed up the process by urinating on the flour and newspaper streets, just like they used to.